melanyouth:

“People who complain about Facebook and Twitter on the grounds that “I don’t care what people ate for lunch!” are not as righteously old-fashioned as they think.”

—

Back in the 1980’s my grandmother and I exchanged letters every week or so for at least a couple, maybe three or four years. In her letters to me - and I’ve saved every one - she talked about the weather, and doings at the Masonic lodge, made snipes about Ronald and Nancy Reagan, and commented on things I’d mentioned. And in every single letter she talked about at least one meal that she’d cooked and/or something they’d eaten at a social event or Lodge dinner. “On Tuesday I made a roast beef and Grandpa ate seconds” would be a typical sentence.

When you think about it, what else is there to talk about besides social events and meals and the weather with someone you care about but who isn’t privy to your heart? You talk about your day to day life.

Getting back to my premise, then, what appears to be rebellion against the shallowness of a new-fangled ’Net-driven social framework is more like a misunderstanding of what constitutes the language of frequent correspondence between people who for whatever reason don’t share deeply intimate details except in person and certainly not in written forms.

I don’t disagree that social “conversation” and correspondence is made up of the mundane trivialities of day-to-day life.  The flaw in your premise, though, is that the letters between you and your grandmother were restricted to you and your grandmother — two people who are not only related to each other, but actually are interested in each other, have a connection and a history, and truly care about what each other have to say, whether it’s about the weather, the banana bread that came out well this time, or the ugly dress Nancy Reagan wore to the reception.  The meant something to the two of you, had special importance to the two of you, and weren’t shared with 150 other people.

The daily meanderings and musings of total strangers, or people only tangentially connected to you as a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, or of a celebrity with whom you’re enamored, or someone you haven’t seen since high school 15 years ago, or even the “friends” you make on tumblr, twitter, facebook or myspace, are not the same thing.  I mean, I truly enjoy your posts, and your opinions, and I am interested in things you have to say, but that’s because they have depth, are intelligent, and actually give insight into the kind of person you are; if your posts consisted entirely of what you ate for breakfast, which color shoes you’re wearing with your black jeans, and the color you’re dying your easter eggs this year, I doubt that I would ever have followed you.

Encouraging mindless babble in the form of 140 character posts about the fact that the movie theater is cold today, or my chicken sandwich from Wendy’s wasn’t spicy enough, or my socks are mismatched today, without also insisting on some intelligent discourse to give meaning and context to the babble, creates the makings of a very superficial world, fosters an inability to connect with people beyond a very shallow depth, and lays the foundation for a very narcissistic society.  I don’t believe that it’s a good thing that so many people derive their self-worth from counting, and finding significance in, the number of strangers who find it important to learn exactly how they cooked their eggs this morning.  Self-worth should be defined by the kind of person you really are; better to spend the time writing a two page letter to grandma about last night’s dinner and the movie you went to, than to waste time posting about it to “friends” who don’t really know you, and probably don’t really care.

And, to be honest, my entire tumblog is entirely narcissistic.  It’s for me.  I’m happy that so many others seem to find it entertaining, but it doesn’t make me feel like I’m a better person, or more important, or more popular.  The fact is, I’d be posting the same stuff if I had 1 follower, or 10,000.  It’s stuff that I want to say, that I find entertaining, and that I want to put out there. But I’m not narcissistic enough to believe that anyone cares what I had for dinner tonight.  (It was two mini pimento cheese sandwiches and salad bar at Ruby Tuesday’s, by the way.)  My self-worth is not derived by how many “likes” I have, although I do enjoy the fact that people seem to enjoy the crap I throw up here.  But I recognize this tumblog for what it is: my own electronic bulletin board of stuff I find interesting.  If I really want to communicate with a person, or connect with a person, I do it by actual letter (I still write them), or by email, or in a conversation.  For me, relying on twittering and facebooking actually detracts from the ability to truly understand and develop a relationship with a person.

But that’s just me.  Opinions vary……